1. "OMG. I have someone I want to set you up with. He's black!"
OMG. Yes! You are the answer to my dating life. How did you know that I only choose potential boyfriends based solely on the color of their skin?! Eff if we have anything in common.
2. "You're so pretty, for a black girl."
Sorry. You must be really confused at this very moment. Your miiind keeps telling you no, but your body is telling you yesss. My bad! My looks can do that.
3. "I don't even consider you black."
Last time I looked in the mirror, I was a lovely shade of chocolate. But OK, OK. I get it. Sorry for being a civilized human being, yo. Blame my parents?
4. "But it's just that, you don't sound black."
But, but, would you still be my friend if I sounded like Bon Qui Qui? :(
5. "Is your hair real or a weave?"
It might be a weave or it might be real. But it's 100 percent none of your business. I am capable of wearing whatever hairstyle I please. And for the record, my hair is all mine.
6. "Are you mixed?"
No? I guess you didn't realize that black girls come in all different shades.
7. "Haha! We're almost the same color!"
HAHA, I find it flattering that you're trying to get to my skin color by giving yourself cancer. HAHA!
8. "Why are your lips so dark, are you wearing lipstick?"
LOL, sorry. Forgot to inform you that I'm black.
9. "Have you tried Black People Meet?"
...
10. "Have you heard [insert new Hip Hop/R&B song]?"
I actually don't keep up with that genre of music, so no. I haven't heard the new 2 Chainz jam. But have you heard Céline Dion's new song? Brings. Me. To. Tears. That woman can sing!
11. "Beyoncé isn't really that great of an artist."
EXCUSE ME. MA'AM. You need to go sit over there. This is something you shouldn't say to any human ever because LIES. She is the fiercest of them all. BYE.